So what does 'qualifying' mean? Well, it means that you basically screen a girl to see if she meets your criteria, not the other way round. You do this by asking her certain questions (along with certain statements, which I'll explain later in this post).
You see, when a typical guy approaches and talks to a girl, the underlying, assumed tone of the interaction is that he's chasing her, and he's trying to prove himself to her so she can hopefully see what a great guy he is and that she'll let him hook up with her. But this is a very weak mindset, and if a guy does things this way, he will be giving all his power away to the girl and will not be very likely to succeed!
What you need to do is reverse all this, and convey to the girl that YOU are screening her to see if she lives up to YOUR standards. In other words, you are getting her to prove herself to YOU. When you do things this way, you will have the power and the upper hand in the interaction, which will increase your level of attractiveness to the girl.
I know qualifying is talked about a lot in the PUA community, but it's always the same old cheesy bullshit discussed there, so I will show you how to apply qualifying to the direct approach.
Does being direct and complimenting a girl give your power away?
I've discussed in previous blog posts and in my free ebook that being direct and complimenting women does NOT mean you're giving your power away and is NOT the same thing as putting a woman on a pedestal. A lot of guys (usually indirect guys) mistakenly assume that complimenting a girl on her looks or telling her that you think she's attractive gives her the power and means you're putting her on pedestal. This isn't the necessarily the case! If you are a guy who values himself and truly believes you are more valuable than the girl, then you will keep the power and you won't put her on pedestal in your mind, and she will pick up on that.
However, by qualifying a girl after you've approached her and complimented her, it helps convey to her in no uncertain terms that she has to show you her worth and that you're evaluating her to see if she meets your standards. You are also throwing her a challenge as well, so qualifying is an important and powerful addition to a direct approach.
When to qualify a girl
You can qualify a girl right on the initial approach if you want to, OR you can wait until you next meet up with her (for a coffee date or whatever). Don't leave it too long before you qualify her, though, otherwise the tone of the interaction will already be established and it will be very hard to change it after that.
How to qualify a girl effortlessly, and questions you can ask her in order to qualify her
So let's say you've just direct approached a girl. How do you go about starting to qualify her in a way that naturally transitions into it without sounding canned or forced in any way? That's easy - after you've let a girl know you find her attractive (or whatever adjective you prefer to use) and that you'd like to hook up with her, you can say something like 'I've got a few questions for you before I give my number out' or 'I've got some questions for you before I go' or something similar to that.
Then after that, just start asking her some qualifying questions.
So what question can you ask a girl in order to qualify her? Well, the first thing is to ask yourself 'What criteria am I looking for in girls I date or hook up with?', then you can ask her questions to see if she meets that criteria. For example, if you don't want to date a girl who smokes or takes drugs, you can ask her if she smokes or does drugs.
However, here are some examples of questions I've personally found to be effective ways to qualify a girl. You can use these, but also come up with your own:
'What do you think are the 3 to 4 most important things in a relationship?'
'Are you easy to get along with or are you a pain in the ass?' (You can also ask her if she's high or low maintenance if you want)
'Do you have any bad habits?'
'Are you a good kisser? On a scale of 1 to 10, how good a kisser would you say you are?'
'Are you adventurous and open minded?'
'What are your thoughts about open relationships and casual sex?'
In order to REALLY make it clear you're screening her to see if she meets YOUR criteria, after she's answered each question you can say 'I only date/hook up with girls who...' or 'I don't date/hook up with girls who....' or 'I'm looking for a girl who...'.
For example if you ask her 'What are the 3 most important things in a relationship?', after she answers you can tell her 'I only date girls who believe in honesty, trust and respect. I don't date girls who don't believe in these things'.
Or if you prefer, you can say 'I'm looking for a girl who believes in honesty, trust and respect'.
If you ask her 'Are you easy to get along with or are you a pain in the ass?', whatever she answers you can say 'I only date girls who are easy to get on with. I don't date girls who are difficult to get on with'.
Or if you were to ask her 'What are your thoughts on open relationships and casual sex?', however she answers you can say something like 'If we were to hook up, I'm looking for an open relationship/no strings casual sex. I only date girls who are fine with an open relationship or casual sex arrangement. I don't date or hook up girls who are looking for a serious monogamous relationship'.
When you state that 'I only date or hook up with girls who...' or 'I don't date or hook up with girls who...', you are basically being very direct, laying down YOUR criteria, and making it clear to her that she has to meet YOUR criteria, otherwise you won't date or hook up with her. This gives you the power and upper hand and paints you as the selector in the interaction, not her.
Qualifying girls is a great way to transition into erotic/sexual/dirty talk and start leading a conversation towards sex
You can use qualifying as a way to progress the conversation into erotic/sexual/dirty talk and lead the conversation towards the subject of sex.
The easiest way to do this is to start with the question 'Are you a good kisser?' or 'How good a kisser are you (on a scale of 1 to 10)?', then follow up with 'I only date/hook up with girls who are good kissers', then you can start adding erotic/sexual comments about kissing after that (as I discuss in my second ebook).
You can then move into more sexual questions such as 'How do you rate yourself sexually?' or 'What turns you on sexually' or 'How open minded and sexually adventurous are you sexually?', etc and then perhaps say something like 'I only date girls who are open minded and sexually adventurous and who I'm compatible with sexually. I don't date girls who are prudish and who have hang ups about sex'.
You can see where this is going. There are lots more questions you can ask to lead a conversation towards sex, and lots more sexual/erotic comments you can add into the conversation to amp up the sexual chemistry and sexual tension. It's beyond the scope of this blog post to go into the details of how to do erotic/sexual/dirty talk with women, but I cover the subject in detail, as well as a list of over 20 questions you can ask a girl in order to easily lead a conversation towards sex, in my second ebook, which is available from the 'Products & Services' page of this site.
As you can see, qualifying makes a significant difference to your direct approaches and when done right is very powerful and effective. I recommend you start adding it into your direct approaches.