In this post I want to totally shatter this myth. I mean totally smash it to pieces. And I will back everything up with credible sources that provide proof that this 'sub-communicating your intentions' thing is nothing more than a myth.
Are you listening, PUA gurus? I hope so.
What is sub-communication?
Sub-communication is what you communicate with your body language and tone of voice and not your words. (What you communicate with your words is known as verbal communication).
Now many 'seduction gurus' keep saying that 'the exact words you say to a woman don't matter, as long as you have the right sub-communication'.
They believe you can 'say anything to a woman as long as you have seductive body language, and she will know your intentions'. (They call this 'sexual sub-communication').
Why do these gurus perpetuate this myth? I'll tell you why. Way back in 1967 a guy named Albert Mehrabian did some experiments on verbal vs non-verbal communication within a controlled study, and the findings within the context of his controlled study were that 7% of the communication was verbal, 93% is non-verbal.
Notice I said that these were the findings within the context of his controlled study. I did not say that these were the findings for all human beings in their everyday lives.
For more about this study, please read this article.
I've always believed that this 7%/93% was a myth, and after looking into it a bit more I've found the evidence that backs me up. While reading that article about the study, I read the following:
Mehrabian says that hearing the infamous 93/7 percent statistic makes him cringe. “You cannot extrapolate my findings to communication in general,”
In real life, we rarely communicate in controlled laboratory conditions, and the circumstances in Mehrabian’s experiments are nothing like a normal conversation.
So if Mehrabian himself says that 'you cannot extrapolate my findings to communication in general', then it's a fact that the 7% verbal/93% non-verbal split is a myth.
I then looked in other sources to back up my findings. One article talks about the 7% myth. As does this one. And yet another talks about the limitations's of Mehrabian's formula.
I suggest you have a read of all 4 of these articles for yourself to read more about Mehrabian's study to further shatter this myth.
How the PUA gurus have used this myth to spread misinformation about communicating with women
Let's go back to the seduction community again. Because these 'gurus' have misinterpreted the findings of Mehrabian's study, they believe that when it comes to approaching and talking to women, that 7% of your communication comes from your words and 93% from your body language and tone of voice.
As a result, they've invented all these bullshit ways to communicate their intentions to women WITHOUT WORDS, or at least WITHOUT CLEAR VERBAL COMMUNICATION. (Or so they believe, but the truth is it doesn't work). They believe that as long as they 'look at a woman seductively', that they can say any old crap and that they woman will somehow magically know their intentions.
Can you imagine walking into a restaurant and trying to 'sub-communicate' to the waiter what type of food you want to order? Or going into a bank and 'sub-communicating' how much money you'd like to withdraw? It'd be strange as hell, I hope you agree. Yet, somehow guys believe it's ok to 'sub-communicate' their intentions to women.
Look, I'll tell you dead straight: if you try and 'sub-communicate' your intentions to women without being verbally clear about what you want from them, you will come across as fucking weird to women.
Can you now see how incredibly flawed their 'sub-communication' logic is? Let's discuss these flaws in a practical sense...
The flaws in this 7%/93% split when it comes to communicating with women
When you approach a woman, there are two main things you need to communicate to her if you want to stand any chance of pulling her: 1) that you think she's attractive and that you'd like to hook up with her, and 2) what specifically you want from her (i.e. what type of romantic/sexual relationship - monogamous, non-monogamous, etc).
How are you going to let a woman know you find her attractive and that you want to hook up with her if you don't open your mouth and SAY IT?
How are you going to let a woman know SPECIFICALLY what you want from her if you don't do that verbally?
Answer: you can't. And that's why the idea of 'sub-communication' is bullshit. You have to OPEN YOUR MOUTH and SAY these things. Why the hell is that so hard for these PUAs to understand?
One company this myth is perpetuated by is RSD (Real Social Dynamics), who I think should rename their company 'Fake Social Dynamics', because that's essentially what they're teaching. They're teaching a convoluted version of reality, instead of the way things really are.
Does body language and tone of voice matter?
Having said everything I've said in this blog post, do I think body language and tone of voice matter at all? They do a bit, but they are NOT the most important things in human communication. Body language and tone of voice back up verbal communication, but do not and cannot replace verbal communication. Yes, it helps to have good eye contact with people, to stand/sit upfront without slouching, to have an even and clear tone of voice, and to not be too fidgety with your hands, but many people over-analyse this too much put too much emphasis on it instead of working on their verbal communication skills.
Want further proof? Have you ever been to a foreign country where nobody spoke your language, and you didn't speak theirs? How far did 'sub-communication' get you without knowing any of the verbal language? That's right...NOT VERY FAR. There's a reason languages are verbal, and that is because the most important element of communication is the verbal part.
In my view, I'd say that communication by human beings is around 80% verbal, 20% body language and tone of voice. I don't care what anyone else thinks, this is my personal view based on my experience and my observations of the real world.
Communication by human beings in general is NOT 7% verbal, 93% non-verbal. That is a myth, and that myth needs to die because it has totally twisted the way people look at communication.
Body language and tone of voice provide a small back up to verbal communication, but are not a substitute for it.
You cannot 'sub-communicate' your intentions to women. You have to do it verbally. End of fucking story.