Over the years, I have had many heated debates about the direct approach in discussion forums related to dating and relationships. I recently posted a thread on a popular student forum about the direct approach, offering to answer any question anyone might have about dating and hooking up with women, where my intention was to help people solve whatever problem they were having with dating and hooking up, by giving my answer from the perspective of the direct approach philosophy.
The thread achieved over 32,000 views, nearly 2,000 replies and ran to 98 pages in length (what can I say - I'm popular, and my perspective on dating, relationships and hooking up always ruffles feathers and generates interesting discussion wherever I go, as well as attracts a raft of female stalkers, who pretend to 'hate me', but in reality find me intriguing and can't get enough of me and what I have to say). Unfortunately, it also degenerated into a mishmash of personal attacks from 'haters', as well as revealed a lot of misconceptions about the direct approach that many people on discussion forums seem to have.
In this post, I'd like to clear up these misconceptions. By the way, anyone who read my free ebook will have seen that I wrote a section at the end of that book where I cleared up some of the most popular myths and misconceptions about the direct approach, in the style of a 'frequently asked questions' sort of thing. However, after the recent student forum post I feel that there are further misconceptions about the direct approach (and related aspects of dating and relationships) that need to be discussed, so I will clear these up in this post.
I feel it's important to clear these myths up, because a lot of people in forums just don't 'get' what the direct approach is about have blatantly distorted the message of direct in their posts. So let's get started...
Myth 1: The direct approach is solely about pursuing casual sex, flings, hook-ups and other types of short term, non-monogamous sexual relationships.
The truth: The direct approach is an upfront and honest communication style that applies to the pursuit of ALL types of romantic/sexual relationships, NOT just short-term sexual ones. A guy can use the direct approach to pursue monogamous, non-monogamous, short-term, long-term, serious or non-serious romantic and/or sexual relationships.
Myth 2: The direct approach is about walking up to women and saying 'Hey, I want to have sex with you!' or 'Hey, I want to fuck you!'
The truth: The direct approach is NOT simply about walking up to women and spouting out unclassy, sleazy sexual comments as an opening line, such as 'I want to have sex with you!' or 'I want to fuck you!'. Yes, a direct guy DOES let women know his real and honest romantic and sexual intentions, but he's also classy about it too, never sleazy. There is a difference, and many people in discussion forums, upon hearing that I use the direct approach to pursue women for sexual relationships, immediately misconstrue how it's done and automatically assume I walk up to women and say stuff like 'Hey baby, let's fuck!' and other nonsense. If people actually take the time to read both my ebooks, they will be able to learn the correct way to do direct approaches so that you're honest and upfront with women about what you're looking for, but you're never 'crude' or 'crass' about it.
Myth 3: Using the direct approach to pursue short-term, non-monogamous sexual relationships means that you 'use women (for your own selfish pleasure)', that you 'take advantage of women', 'disrespect women' , and/or that you 'objectify' women
The truth: The direct approach is NEVER about 'using', 'taking advantage', 'disrespecting' or 'objectifying women'. It's not about taking anything from women, nor about your own selfish pleasure....it's always about a mutually enjoyable shared romantic/sexual experience between a guy and a girl where you leave each other with a smile on each others' face and a positive memory of the time you spent together.
A direct guy likes and respects women and treats them right (and expects women to treat him the same way too), and he doesn't 'objectify' womens' looks....he simply appreciates their physical and non-physical beauty, and is never afraid to give a woman a genuine compliment about her looks or personality if he feels like doing so.
Myth 4: If you approach a woman direct, you'll get slapped, punched, told to fuck off, or even be arrested
The truth: I've approached hundreds, if not thousands of women over the past decade with the direct approach, and I've said some VERY bold and VERY dirty/erotic/sexual stuff to them, and I've never once been slapped, punched, told to fuck off, or arrested. In my experience, most women LOVE to be approached in a classy, confident direct way, and give a positive response to it even if they're not interested in dating or hooking up with you. They are flattered to have been approached and to have been seen as desirable.
My observation is that it's usually guys who have never done any direct approaches who make up all these false and negative assumptions about what they think MIGHT happen if they were to try out the direct approach in real life, and the females in forums who say 'that type of approach wouldn't work on me!' are the very same ones who would respond positively to my direct approach if I approached them in real life. Oh the irony!
Myth 5: The direct approach promotes rape culture
The truth: The direct approach does NOT in any way promote rape culture. Rapre culture is about male sexual assault and violence being normalised. I am against this totally. Rape is about forcing yourself on a girl and having sex with her without her consent. The direct approach is the opposite of that...the direct approach is about making your romantic/sexual intentions known to women upfront, and then giving those women the free choice to either reciprocate or reject your interest in her. After a girl makes it known she's not interested in you, as a direct guy you simply leave her alone and move onto another woman; you never 'force' her into anything. The direct approach is always about giving women the free choice to be with you or not.
I have observed that there are a group of people known as 'social justice warriors' who argue for political correctness and are very quick to try and 'shame' or 'put down' any guy who speaks his mind and is politically incorrect, or any guy who approaches women in a direct, sexual way. They spout this nonsense like 'it promotes rape culture', etc, when it blatantly isn't true.
Myth 6: The direct approach, especially a very sexually charged direct approach using erotic/dirty talk, is synonymous with 'harassing' women for sex
The truth: There is a big difference between directly approaching woman for sex and 'harassing' a woman for sex. As I already alluded to in the previous point, the direct approach is about approaching a woman you're attracted to and being upfront and honest with her about your intentions, and then giving her the free choice whether to get together with you or rejects you. As a direct guy, you are cool either way, and if a woman rejects you, you totally respect her choice and you then leave her alone (unless she happens to re-initiate contact with you at a later date to express an interest in getting together with you).
Harassment, on the other hand, is when a guy approaches a girl and makes his romantic/sexual intentions known, she rejects him, but then he repeatedly keeps hassling her to date/hook up with him AFTER she's rejected him. A direct guy would never do this.
Myth 7: Being dominant and having power over women means you are abusive, disrespectful and controlling towards women
The truth: Whether they admit it or not, women WANT a guy to dominate then and they WANT a guy who takes the lead in their conversations and interactions with them, and that applies to both in and out of the bedroom. It is possible for a guy to be dominant and take the lead with women, without being abusive, disrespectful or controlling towards them. A true direct guy always takes the lead in his interactions with women, and he also always treats those women right and respectfully too.
Myth 8: The direct approach is simply a shotgun 'numbers game' approach that involves no skill. It's just pure luck if you hook up with someone when you're direct
The truth: All methods of seducing women are a numbers game, since a fact of life is that no matter what method you use to seduce women, SOME women will be attracted to you, whilst some won't, and you cannot make a woman who is not attracted to you become attracted to you by using some 'magic seduction method'. The direct approach simply allows a guy to figure out faster which women he approaches are genuinely attracted to him and on the same page as him, vs those who are not, so that he can work efficiently and date or hook up with women without wasting unnecessary time, money and effort in the process. One of the problems with using any form of indirect approach is that it's hard to do this.
The direct approach is both a 'game' of numbers AND skill. It's a numbers game because the more women a guy approaches, the greater the chance of him finding someone who is attracted to him and on the same page as him, and it's a game of skill in that a direct guy still needs to be experienced enough to know what to say and do in any situation with women in order to be successful. (Note: I use the term 'game' loosely here...I don't mean 'game' as in pua style 'game', nor do I mean anything to do with 'playing games' with women. It's just a convenient word to use in this context, that's all).
Myth 9: A guy will 'die alone' and unhappy if he hooks up with lots of women (via the direct approach)
The truth: Just because a guy isn't into serious monogamous relationships or marriage doesn't mean he's 'unhappy' or that he'll 'die alone', etc. I've heard that argument way too many times, and it's just way off the mark. The fact is, in this day and age, some people prefer monogamy, some people non-monogamy, and that's a personal choice. It's about pursuing whatever type of romantic/sexual relationships makes you happiest and that you are best suited to for who you are as a person. Some people are happier being non-monogamous, unmarried and living alone than they would be if they were in a committed monogamous relationship or marriage where they lived together with their partner.
Being in a monogamous relationship or marriage is no guarantee that a person will be happy in that relationship. I've seen tons of monogamous relationships and marriages where both parties are desperately unhappy and all they do is argue and bicker at each other all the time. If that's your definition of 'happy', then you can keep it! A person can be perfectly happy hooking up with multiple women for short-term sexual flings, hook-ups etc, and I certainly am, thank you very much! I don't need to be in a monogamous relationship or get married in order to be happy. But if your monogamous relationship or your marriage makes you happy, then great, good for you. Just accept that monogamy and marriage are not the only types romantic/sexual relationship that can make a person fulfilled.
As for 'dying alone'...who says that someone who is in a monogamous relationship or a marriage won't 'die alone'? What if their partner dies before them? Or if they split up or get divorced and they end up single when they're old? Being married/monogamous is no guarantee you won't 'die alone'. As for me, I intend to die surrounded by young, beautiful women, thank you very much! I definitely won't be 'alone' when I'm old.
Myth 10: It's 'creepy' to be sexually direct with women
The truth: Well first of all, I think both men and women vastly overuse the term 'creepy' when it comes to dating and relationships. It is my observation that when a woman can't hold an intelligent debate on a subject and runs out any rational logic and reason in her discussion, she resorts to the old 'that's creepy!' cliche. A lot of men pull out the old 'that's creepy' line too when they see guys who are bolder and more confident than them directly approaching women ('white knightS', yes that is you I'm referring to there! Girls don't need you to save them from me, thank you very much!).
The truth is, being direct with women, especially if you're very sexually direct, is not synonymous with being 'creepy'. If a guy is perceived as 'creepy' by a woman, then it is something about his vibe, demeanour, body language, tone of voice and look that is causing the woman to label him as 'creepy'. If he corrected those aspects of his approach, he would no longer be viewed as 'creepy' by women. Done right by a guy, a direct approach, especially a sexually charged one, is highly attractive to women and gets them turned on by his approach.
Myth 11: It's 'creepy' or 'morally wrong' for a guy in his 30s or older to pursue younger (but legal aged) women
The truth: Oh here we go...that old 'creepy' cliche yet again! The fact is, it's 100% natural for a guy in his 30s or older to be attracted to hot, younger women. There's nothing 'wrong' about it whatsoever...nature designed us that way, for goodness sake. The notion that it's somehow 'morally wrong' for a guy to pursue much younger (but legally aged) women is total, unfounded bullshit...it's just total subjective opinion that has no basis in objective fact.
Most younger women actually prefer older guys anyway...they are attracted to the added life experience, maturity, stability (financially, mentally and emotionally), as well as relationship and sexual experience, that these guys have compared with guys their own age. If you are a guy who wants to pursue younger, but legal aged, women, then go for it and forget about what anybody else says or thinks about it.
Ironically, despite criticism from student aged girls in forums about approaching them, I usually get a great response when I direct approach girls in that age group in real life.
Myth 12: The direct approach, as well as persisting through a girl's 'resistence', is the same as 'forcing yourself' on a woman
The truth: The direct approach is NEVER about 'forcing yourself' on a girl. A direct guy ALWAYS respects a girl's decision if she rejects him, and he leaves her alone after that. A direct guy also knows the difference between rejection and resistence, and he always persists (still in a respectful way, of course) when a girl 'resists' him, in order to find out whether she genuinelly is attracted to him and interested in him or not. He realises that while rejection is real, resistance is just a 'test'. But even while persisting through a woman's resistance, he never 'forces' himself on her.
Myth 13: A guy who pursues women for sexual relationships using the direct approach is a misogynist and 'hates' women
The truth: A true direct guy is a LOVER of women, not a hater of them, nor a 'misogynist'. He likes and appreciates women as people, and for their beauty and presence, and always treats them right.
Myth 14: A guy who uses the direct approach to pursue short-term sexual relationships is a 'pickup artist'
The truth: There is a big difference between a pickup artist and a direct guy. A pickup artist attracts women by lying to them, playing games, manipulating them and using techniques, tactics, tricks and gimmicks, and by generally being fake and phony, and hiding his romantic/sexual intentions.
A direct guy attracts women by being honest, by being his real self, and by letting women know upfront that he's attracted to them and what he really wants from them. He never plays games, never manipulates them, and never uses techniques, tactics, tricks or gimmicks to attract them.
Just because a direct guy 'picks up' women by being direct doesn't mean he's a 'pickup artist'. Don't confuse 'picking up' with being a 'pickup artist' - it's possible to 'pick up' women by being direct, real and honest rather than using manipultive and dishonest pua style tactics.
Myth 15: The direct approach only works if a guy is good looking
The truth: A guy's looks are not the most important factor that cause women to be attracted to him. Women tend to be more attracted to a guy's words/verbal seduction skills, personality, confidence and demeanour more so than his looks. I don't say looks play no part in attracting women...but they're not as important as you think. This is proven by the fact that there are lots of good looking men in society who struggle with women, yet there are lots of average or even ugly looking men out there who are really good with women. History is also rife with examples of men who were not good looking, yet who did extraordinarily well with women.
As a direct guy, the biggest thing you communicate to women (besides your romantic and sexual intentions) is massive confidence and balls. If a guy is not good looking, but yet he approaches women in a very direct, confident and fearless manner, many women are going to be intrigued by that guy. They're going to think something like 'well this guy isn't good looking, but yet he's so bold and confident! I'm intrigued...how can he be so confident if he's not good looking? I've got to find out more'.
Also, when it comes to getting sexually aroused/turned on, women are not as visual as men. We men get turned on by a woman's looks....but women get more turned on by a guy's words - men are visual, women are auditiory. So if a guy who is not good looking is direct and has massive confidence when he approaches them, and if he has excellent verbal seduction skills and can get women turned on with his words, he can bypass the need to be good looking to attract women.
Myth 16: The direct approach only works on average or ugly women, but not on the hottest and most attractive ones
The truth: The direct approach works equally, if not better, on the hottest, most attractive women as it does on average or ugly ones. In reality, the hottest women are no different than any other women - they're still women at the core and get turned on the same way any other women does, but men just pedestalise these women in their minds, believing it takes some superhuman effort to attract the hottest ones. There are only 2 types of women...those you are attracted to, and those who you aren't...and of the ones who are attracted to you, there are 2 types of women...those who are attracted to you/interested in you, and those who aren't. Just focus on being direct with women, and you will soon find out which women are which.
Often, many of the hottest women actually get approached less often by men than average or ugly ones do, since many men are intimidated by the hottest women and believe they'll have a better change at pulling the less good looking ones. So you actually have an advantage, especially if you're direct, when you approach the hottest ones.
As a direct guy, you should always approach the women who you find the hottest and most attractive. Women are women, attraction is attraction, and direct is direct. Direct works on ALL types of women...and you'll find out soon enough if the woman you approach is attracted to you/interested in you or not. Remember, it takes the same amount of effort to attract a hot woman as it does an average or ugly one...so the choice is yours. Which would YOU prefer to date or hook up with?
These myths and misconceptions stem from peoples' lack of understanding, knowledge or real world experience of the direct approach, as well as from their own insecurities and faulty socially programmed beliefs they have related to the subject of dating, relationships and hooking up. When examined closely, none of these myths are true - they can all easily be debunked and they have no basis for any kind of concrete argument against the direct approach.
A lot of the criticisms of the direct approach are unfounded, and stem from the politically correct, 'I don't want to offend anyone with what I say or do' attitude that is very prevalent in society today. However, nobody dicates to me what I say to women, or the manner with which I express my romantic/sexual intentions to them, what type of romantic/sexual relationships I pursue, or what age group of women I will approach and date or hook up with (legal age and above, I must add). I say whatever is on my mind, and do whatever I want, and that is that. I don't care about being 'politically correct', or what these 'social justice warriors' or anyone else thinks. End of fucking story.
I wanted to clear up the confusion once and for all because it gets tedious repeating myself over and over in discussion forums etc. Anyone who doesn't 'get' the direct approach or has misunderstandings about it now knows the truth and can move forward with a better and more positive perspective on the direct approach.