We get this social programming from the media (films, tv shows, internet, magazines, etc), our friends, family, religion, and any other people or information sources we are exposed to.
Much of the information you've learned about dating & relationships while growing up isn't necessarily true, it's just social programming you've picked up without really thinking about it or questioning it. All the usual dating clichés and norms you believe (or previously believed) to be correct fall into this category. But the fact is, most of this (mis)information people learn is ineffective and outdated, otherwise people wouldn't be having so many problems in their dating lives, would they?
In this post I'll discuss the most popular 'social programming dating myths' that we learn via social programming, and I will give you the real truth as an antidote to each myth.
Obviously I can't include every possible one here, but I will do my best to include the most popular ones I've observed in my lifetime so far.
THE MOST COMMON 'SOCIAL PROGRAMMING MYTHS' ABOUT DATING & RELATIONSHIPS
Social programming myth 1: You should act like a friendly, pleasant, 'mr perfect gentleman' type of guy towards women
This messes a lot of guys up because by acting like a 'Mr perfect gentleman' type with women, they end up seeing you as nothing more than a platonic friend.
The real truth: You should be who you really are, speak your mind and let women know your romantic/sexual intentions, and never try to be 'Mr perfect gentleman'.
Social programming myth 2: That you need to take a girl out on a date (or several dates), before having sex with her.
The real truth: It's not necessary to go on any dates at all if you don't want to. If you know what you're doing, you should be able to have sex with a girl without going on any dates at all, and if you do choose to go on dates you should be able to have sex with a girl on the first date without any problems.
Social programming myth 3: That you should 'take it slow' and spend time getting to know a woman and make her comfortable before you let her know you like her or 'make a move' on her.
The real truth: The longer you talk to and interact with a woman without letting her know you're attracted to her and that you want to hook up with her, the more likely it is you'll be seen as nothing more than a platonic friend. If two people are attracted to each other and the spark of sexual chemistry is there from the beginning, then it's far better to move fast and not wait too long before getting intimate with each other.
Social programming myth 4: You should be 'friends first' before dating a girl.
The real truth: Becoming 'friends first' will make you stay as 'just friends' forever. If you want to hook up with a woman romantically/sexually, never be 'friends first'. Be lovers first, and take it from there.
Social programming myth 5. That you should be indirect when you approach a woman, and 'just have a friendly conversation and get to know her a bit'.
The real truth: Indirect approaches are really ineffective; Direct works far better. And we all know where 'just having a friendly conversation' leads - that's right, to the friend zone, or usually nowhere at all!
Social programming myth 6: That you have to 'play hard to get' in order to not appear too eager or desperate.
The real truth: Playing hard to get is bullshit. It just leaves the other person confused about your intentions/what you want from them and leads to misunderstandings. You're also likely to end up in the friend zone if you waste too much time like this.
Social programming myth 7: That you need to play games and manipulate women if you want to succeed with them.
The real truth: Playing games and manipulating women makes it harder to be successful with women. It's easier to get what you want from women if you are real and honest and play no games at all.
Social programming myth 8: That you should not mention sex in a conversation with a woman too early on, or even at all, and that it's 'rude and inappropriate' to use erotic/sexual talk in a conversation with a woman, especially if you've only just met her.
The real truth: By not mentioning sex at all, you establish a sexless, platonic dynamic between you and the girl, and the longer you leave it before bringing up the subject of sex, the harder and more awkward it will be to do so at a later stage. And it is never 'rude' or 'inappropriate' to use erotic/sexual talk in a conversation with a women if you do so in the right way.
Social programming myth 9: That only monogamous relationships count as 'proper' relationships and anything else isn't a real relationship.
The real truth: Times have changed and it ain't the 1950s any more. In this day and age, ALL types of romantic/sexual relationships are equally valid, whether they are monogamous, non-monogamous/open, short-term, mid-term, long-term, serious or not too serious, and it is up to the individual to decide which type of relationship is best for them.
Social programming myth 10: That you can only meet women in certain places and situations such as online, in bars/clubs and through friends, but that it's not possible or 'socially acceptable' to approach them in everyday daytime situations.
The real truth: You can meet woman anywhere and everywhere, and daytime everyday situations are excellent for meeting them. What is and what isn't 'socially acceptable' is all highly subjective, so fuck what anyone else thinks and just say and do whatever you want and approach women in whatever places and situations you want to.
Social programming myth 11: The notion of 'the one', that everyone has one person out there who is their soul mate and life companion.
The real truth: There is no one person in the world that is 'the one' for you, but rather there are many people who could potentially be your life companion/soul mate (if that's what you're looking for).
Social programming myth 12: That it's wrong or it's cheating if a guy dates multiple women.
The real truth: There is nothing wrong with a guy dating multiple women, as long as he's been 100% honest with them right from the start that he wants to do this. It's only cheating if a guy agreed to be monogamous and then went behind a girl's back and started seeing other women. But if him and a girl agreed to a non-monogamous/open relationship upfront, it's not cheating to see multiple women.
Social programming myth 13: That men are the hornier sex and that women want monogamy while men just want to sleep around.
The real truth: Some men are hornier than women, some women are hornier than men. Some women prefer monogamy, some women prefer non-monogamous/open relationships. Some men prefer monogamy, some men prefer non-monogamous/open relationships. Don't make sweeping generalisations about each gender.
Social programming myth 14: That there must be something wrong with a guy if he hasn't settled down into a serious monogamous relationship or got married, had kids etc by the time he's around 35.
The real truth: There is nothing wrong with a guy if he chooses not to get married or have kids at any age. If that's his choice then it's his choice, end of story. Perhaps he likes his own freedom and his own company and simply prefers to keep his relationships with women as non-monogamous and not too serious. When people spout all that bullshit about a guy needing to settle down, it's just a shaming tactic that society uses on these men to make them feel bad about their lifestyle choice. Don't pay any attention to any of that nonsense if you don't want to settle down; there's no law that says that you have to settle down and get married or anything.
Social programming myth 15: That a guy is a 'player' or 'womaniser' if he sleeps with a lot of women
The real truth: The terms 'player' and 'womaniser' are used by society in a derogatory sense as a shaming tactic to try and get men who aren't in serious monogamous relationships to feel guilty about it and settle down with one woman, start a family etc. But there is also such a thing as an 'honest player' or 'honest womaniser', i.e. a guy who sleeps with lots of women but is also honest with every woman about it, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Social programming myth 16: That a woman is a slut if she sleeps with a lot of partners and has a lot of casual sex.
The real truth: The term 'slut' is a shaming tactic that society uses to make women who enjoy lots of sex with whoever they feel like it to feel guilty about it. The truth is, a slut is simply a woman who enjoys sex. Nothing wrong with that!
Social programming myth 17: That you have to have plenty of money or spend money on women in order to hook up with them
The real truth: You can get a lot of sex with women even if you're not rich, and if you know what you're doing with the Direct approach you should be able to consistently get women into bed without spending any (or minimal) money on them at all.
Social programming myth 18: That you have to hate your ex when you break up with someone
The real truth: Only immature people break up in a bad way like this. A Direct master has no bitterness or resentment when any of his relationships end. He wishes the girl the best and has a nice memory of the time they had together, and moves on with his life and meets other women.
Social programming myth 19: That humour attracts/sexually arouses women. After all, most dating advice we read tells us that 'women love a man with a sense of humour'.
The real truth: Humour in and of itself doesn't get women turned on and sexually aroused. Humour is a nice addition to a guy's personality if used sparingly; he should never become a clown or 'mr funny man' type if he wants to be seen as the type of guy women would date or sleep with, though.
Social programming myth 20: It's harder to pick up the really good looking women than it is to pick up average or ugly girls.
The real truth: It takes exactly the same amount of effort and skill to pick up a really attractive looking girl as it does to pick up an average or ugly one. In some cases it's EASIER to pick up ultra hot girls because most guys are too scared to approach them. Besides, how attractive a girl's looks are is all subjective anyway.
Social programming myth 21: You need to be good looking/have big muscles/be tall, etc to be successful with women.
The real truth: You don't need to be really good looking/have big muscles or be tall to be successful with women. If you're a short, slim, average or even ugly looking guy (provided you're clean and presentable), you can still do fine with women if you master the Direct approach and become a really confident guy.
Social programming myth 22: That it's only possible to be sexually attracted to and/or in love with one person at a time
The real truth: It's possible to be sexually attracted to lots of women at the same time, and it's possible to love more than one person at a time too. Just because you are with one person doesn't mean you won't feel attracted to or in love with others.
Social programming myth 23: That we're monogamous creatures by nature
The real truth: We are NOT monogamous creatures by nature. Biologically, we always were and always will be non-monogamous creatures. Being monogamous is a choice, but it is NOT our true nature.
Hopefully I've woken you up a bit to some of the 'social programming dating myths' you may have believed, that were holding you back in your dating life. You should now be a lot more aware of what dating information is true and what is simply 'socially programmed bullshit'.