I usually find after being out there approaching women for a while, I'll be sat in quiet times thinking about the lessons I've learned and I'll suddenly get an 'a-ha moment' of insight and, subsequently, a new idea for a blog post. Sure enough, this happened to me again recently and so I decided to write this new blog post! This is going to be a long one, but I promise you it's a good one and it will definitely be of help to you.
After many years of approaching women during the daytime in everyday situations such as walking down the street, in shopping malls, shops etc, I've noticed that there are a number of common, recurring challenges/obstacles that life often throws at you that can get it the way of an approach, or sometimes even stop it before you even begin. These things are simply an inevitable part of daytime approaching and happen so regularly that there is almost a pattern to it, in fact.
Unless you live in an alternative universe to me, you too will definitely run into these same challenges at some point, so in this blog post I'd like to discuss and offer solutions to the most common challenges you'll experience when attempting to meet women during the daytime.
Many of these are nothing more than 'mental blocks' that can easily be overcome when you're prepared for them, although several of them are a bit more complex than that.
I thought about making the following info into an additional section of my second ebook, but decided to write this as a blog post instead. I decided to write this post because I managed to overcome all these particular challenges/obstacles myself and I'd like to help you do the same too. I figured out the solutions to all these through many years of 'blood, sweat and tears', trial and error and creative thinking etc and so I'd like to share with you my insights here.
So by now you must be thinking something like 'What the hell are these challenges/obstacles/mental blocks that you keep going on about?' Ok, let me explain....
The first thing you will realise after starting to approach women during in the daytime is that it's rarely as simple as 'see attractive girl, walk up to her and do your direct approach'. A number of factors beyond your control can intervene, and these can 'block' your approach and/or throw your mindset off into a negative spiral. However if you have the correct knowledge, there is a practical and workable solution to each and every one of these. So let me discuss these factors now (and by the way, these are in no particular order):
Challenge/obstacle 1: Girls who are walking really fast/a fair distance away from you
Sometimes you'll see a really attractive girl but she'll be walking really quickly down the street, and often by the time you decide to approach her she'll be well into the distance. This can easily lead you to think 'I can't be bothered approaching her now, she's too far away and it'll look weird if I try to catch her up now'. But in thinking like this you are letting a potentially great chance disappear for good.
The solution: If she's walking fast and already a good distance ahead, the only solution is to run or jog to catch her up. Once you get close to her, slow down to her walking pace and direct approach as normal.
Challenge/obstacle 2: Girls walking towards you who you don't have a chance to approach before they walk past you
Sometimes you may be walking somewhere and see a girl walking towards you a little in the distance, but you aren't sure if you find her attractive until she's close enough for you to get a good look at her, by which time she's already walked past you in the opposite direction. Sound familiar? So what do you do? You may be thinking 'If I turn around and catch her up, it'll look weird and abrupt that I just turned around like that, etc'.
The solution: Of course, the only solution IS to immediately turn around and catch her up and do your approach. Any negative thinking about this is simply another 'mental block' in your own head. Nobody around you will care, and you can even admit honestly to the girl that you saw her as she walked past you and thought she was attractive, if you wish.
Challenge/obstacle 3: A girl disappears into a shop before you have a chance to catch her up.
This one will definitely happen to you at some point. You're walking down the street and see a girl you'd love to approach, so you put one foot in front of the other and start walking towards her. But then right before you can get to her, she enters a nearby shop. Arghh! What can you do? It's easy to just say 'Ah sod it!' and let her go, but once again that'd be a wasted opportunity.
The solution: You have 2 options here - you can simply follow her into the shop and direct approach her. If you do this, make sure you do your approach immediately; don't loiter or lurk about all awkwardly or nervously. Just get your approach done right away. If you like, you can even tell her honestly 'I saw you outside and thought you were attractive'. Even if it's a women's clothes shop, don't worry just quickly go in and do your approach, then leave immediately after the approach. It'll make you look bold and ballsy to do this!
The other option is to wait outside the shop (or somewhere nearby) until she comes out, then do your approach as normal. Obviously you should do this discretely so as not to look weird or creepy in any way. I've found a good way to make this look natural is to get your mobile/cell phone out and simply look like you're texting or calling someone and just happen to be standing there while you do that (while you also discretely keep an eye out for the girl to come back out of the shop). Then when the girl exits the shop, proceed to approach as normal (hopefully before she disappears in another shop!). If the girl takes too long in the shop, either go in and approach her or move on.
Challenge/obstacle 4: When there are people close by who can and will likely see and overhear you approaching a girl.
This particular 'mental block' may be the hardest of all for many guys to overcome and I can perfectly understand that because this is the one I've struggled with myself (and sometimes still do, in certain situations).
There are 2 main scenarios where other people will be within sight or earshot or your approach, and those are while walking (e.g. along the street) and while stationary (e.g. at a bus stop, in a queue, in a shop, on public transport, etc).
Let's discuss the walking scenario first. A lot of the time you'll see a gorgeous girl you want to approach, but there's one or more people walking right behind, in front or next to you or her who will see and hear you approach, so you 'chicken out' of approaching her because you worry what they might say or think.
As for the stationary scenario, this is even harder because the people nearby are not even walking about but are literally 'planted' within sight and earshot, which can easily lead to you having massive insecurities about approaching the girl and thus talking yourself out of it.
The solution: Fortunately, like all the other challenges/obstacles in this post, there are solutions to this one also. First of all, realise that your insecurities about other people watching are all in your head. The fact is, most people won't care or won't even notice that you're approaching the girl, as most people are wrapped up in their own thoughts and are not focusing on you and what you're doing. They're their own little world and thinking about their own lives, own problems, errands they have to run etc, so why would they be concerned with YOU?
The second point I want to make is that it's nobody's business what you say or do regarding direct approaching a girl anyway. So focus your mind on yourself and your approach, and don't concern yourself with anyone nearby or what they might say or think.
What if somebody nearby says something derogatory about you approaching? In all my years of daytime approaches I have literally NEVER had that happen, but in the extremely unlikely event it did I would simply tell the person to mind their own business, or just tell them I was approaching the girl to chat her up and that maybe they could learn something from it!
So for girls who are walking when people are nearby, it's a little easier to approach as the distance the onlookers will be from you and the girl may vary depending on your walking speed. You may also be able to get the girl to stop walking and talk to you, which gives the nearby people time to walk out of earshot of your approach. Sometimes groups of people will 'dissipate' if you just follow the girl for a few minutes, then you can go ahead and approach with no or fewer people around.
For stationary approaches with people nearby, this is where even I struggle sometimes. It really is harder and takes quite a lot of balls to approach when you a girl are stood still and people close by are too. Really if you want to approach in these scenarios, you have to get to the point within yourself where you simply don't care what people think or say about you. It's actually no shame if you simply choose not to approach girls in these stationary scenarios should you choose to, as there are plenty of other times you can approach, but sometimes you just see a girl so hot but who happens to be surrounded by people nearby....
I tend not to approach on public transport when there are lots of people close by. But you want solutions, I hear you say! Ok then, well here are a few I have figured out for these difficult scenarios....
A good way to approach a girl you see on a train, bus or tram is to get off at the same stop as her and then walk up to her and do your approach. Of course, that won't work if you don't get off at the same stop as each other, but if it's convenient for you to get off a few stops earlier or later than where you intended then that is a possible solution.
For girls in shops where there are people in the vicinity, you can simply browse and wait until she goes to another part of the shop (where there aren't people who can overhear you) or wait until she leaves the shop (you can wait outside for her and mess with your trusty mobile/cell phone if you wish) and then approach when she does so.
For bus/train/tram stops etc with many people within earshot, there's really no solution other than brass balls! But if you're getting on the same bus/train/tram as her, and getting off at the same stop then you can do as I discussed earlier.
For approaches in queues (or lines as they say in the USA) again you just need brass balls or simply wait until the girl is no longer in the queue and approach her then.
I realise these solutions aren't perfect, but they are certainly practical if you want to approach a girl bad enough.
Challenge/obstacle 5: Girls who are talking (or typing/texting) on their phones
Ah the smart phone - the bane of modern society, at least when it comes to dating and relationships and killing face to face communication! No doubt you've encountered this before - you see a hottie you'd like to approach, but she's got her phone glued to her ear and she's yapping away, or she's in the middle of texting someone etc. Obviously you can't just walk up to her while she's in the middle of a phone call, so what can you do?
The solution: This isn't that difficult to get round. If the girl is texting or typing something on her phone, just walk up to her as normal and do your direct approach. Of course, if she's looking down at her phone you won't be able to give her eye contact right away, but you can simply say 'Excuse me' and then when she looks up, give her eye contact and launch into your direct approach.
For girls who are speaking on the phone, just hang around (or if you're walking, follow her) discretely until she finishes her call. You can pretend to be on your own phone if that makes it feel more natural to you. Of course if a girl's phone call goes on way too long, it's best to move on and find another girl to approach as you'll just be unnecessarily wasting time otherwise, which could be spent on approaching more girls.
Challenge/obstacle 6: Girls who are wearing earphones/headphones
In addition to smartphones, another potential conversation blocker is the incessant use of earphones/headphones while out in public these days. However, you needn't let the fact that a girl is wearing them stop you from approaching her.
The solution: All you have to do is get the girl's attention by walking beside her but slightly in front of her, then turn towards her and try and get eye contact or do a small hand gesture and say 'Excuse me'. In many cases, the girl will notice you are trying to talk to her/get her attention, even though she might not be able to hear you, and she will take her headphones off and you can then launch into your direct approach. Of course this doesn't work every time - there will be some girls who simply won't hear you or notice you, and some who will but who just won't stop to talk. If that happens, just move on to another girl instead.
Challenge/obstacle 7: Girls who are walking who don't stop to talk to you
This one can be a bit frustrating - you approach a girl who's walking along the street and she just won't stop, she just keeps on walking. Or you do your initial direct approach, then she walks off after that.
The solution: In some cases, it's best just to leave her be. After all, if a girl isn't receptive to your direct approach, why waste any more time on her? And I tend to notice that the receptive ones will stop walking, turn themselves to face me and give me solid, direct eye contact. However if you really want to be persistent, try walking after her and saying something like 'Hey...a lady never walks away when I'm talking!' or 'Hey...I haven't finished what I was saying yet!', or even just ask her if she'll stop and talk to you for a quick minute. Then you carry on your direct approach as normal.
If she just won't stop, you can still quickly hand her your number and tell her to call you.
Challenge/obstacle 8: Girls who are on their own and suddenly merge into a two or group
Sometimes you'll see a girl who's on her own, and you're about to approach her when all of a sudden she runs into one or more other people (friends, family members, etc). Now you are no longer dealing with a girl who is by herself; it's now a two or a group situation. So what can you do?
The solution: First of all, weigh up the situation - if it looks like she's with her parents, I think it'd be best not to approach her while she's with them. If she's with one of more female friend then that's fine. I generally don't approach women who are in groups, but I do like to approach girls who are in twos. But if you want to approach girls in groups, go ahead.
You can either approach her while she's in the two or group, OR you can stick around discretely and see if the other people go away so that you can approach her when she's on her own. It's up to you.
Challenge/obstacle 9: Girls who are stood or sat somewhere waiting for someone and whoever they were waiting for suddenly appears
This is a similar scenario to the previous one, but this time you'll be in the middle of an approach with a girl who's stood waiting somewhere (for example outside a shop), or who's browsing a shelf in a shop, or who's sat on a bench outside, and another girl or guy will walk up to her and 'interrupt' your approach.
The solution: If it's a female friend of hers, then don't worry, just quickly complete your approach and hand her your number and move on. If you think the female friend is hot, you could also engage her in the conversation (by being direct, of course....no small talk bullshit!), it's up to you.
If a guy approaches and you're not sure if he's her boyfriend, you can simply ask 'Oh, is this your boyfriend?'. If it turns out he is, you don't want to get into a confrontation....just end the interaction and walk away.
Challenge/obstacle 10: Not wanting to approach a girl because you believe they 'saw you looking at them' earlier
Here's one that might trip some of you up - you spot a girl but you're feeling a bit nervous to approach her, or maybe it's just not convenient to approach her at that particular moment (perhaps because there are lots of people nearby, or if she disappears into a shop, etc), and she catches you looking at her. There's a brief moment of eye contact, or at least you believe there is. You hesitate to approach her at first, and follow her or wait around until you have 'worked up the courage' to approach.
Only you then feel even more insecure because you thought she saw you looking at her earlier. You think to yourself 'what if she thinks it's weird for me to approach her now, what if she thinks I followed her, as she saw me looking at her earlier?' Surely there's got to be a way round this?
The solution: In my experience, this is all just in your head. Most likely the girl never even noticed you earlier, and even if she did well you could've simply been walking the same way as her anyway, so there is no need to concern yourself with the whole 'what if she saw me looking at her earlier' train of negative thought.
Ideally, try and approach a girl as soon as possible after you first notice her, so that you don't allow fear and anxiety time to build, but if that's not possible and you have to wait around or follow her until a more convenient time to approach her occurs, do that and carry on as normal with your direct approach.
Challenge/obstacle 11: You're out and about and cross paths with a girl you've previously approached
If you regularly approach girls in the same town or city, especially if you live in a smallish place, you are bound to run into some of the girls you've previously approached either from earlier that day or from weeks or months before. You could be walking down the street, turn a corner, be in a shop etc and bham!, there she is suddenly in your line of sight and it's blatantly obvious you've both seen each other and you're 'that guy who approached her'.
This can unnerve some guys, especially if it was a girl who rejected you or someone you gave your number to and she didn't call. It can also start making you think 'what if she sees me approaching other girls and realises it wasn't just her that I approached, but that I do this all the time and approach lots of girls?'.
You may even inadvertently approach a girl who you've previously approached, though that doesn't happen very often.
The solution: Understand that this 'mental block' is all in your head - why the hell should it matter what she thinks or whether she sees you approaching other girls? It doesn't matter at all - you should be proud of the fact you're a direct guy and enjoy hooking up with lots of girls, and it's your right to do so if you feel like it. It's really none of her business anyway. Besides, in many cases if a girl knows you approach and hook up with other girls, it can actually peak her curiosity and increase her interest in you.
So if you happen to cross paths with someone you've previously approached, unless she says 'hi' or tries to start a conversation with you, I recommend you simply blank her as if she doesn't exist. Just walk past her and go about your business as normal. There is never any need to re-engage a girl in conversation who you've already approached. If you were direct with her, stated your intentions and gave her your number then she knows the score and the ball is now in her court; there is no need to re-initiate any kind of conversation with her unless she comes to you.
That said, if the girl smiles at you then you can smile back, or if she stop you to talk then you can speak to her then, but be careful to keep it brief - don't slip into small talk or any other long winded conversation. Just tell her you must be on your way, and something like 'you have my number, so get in touch if you want to hook up', then move along. Any longer conversation is unnecessary and will kill the mystery about you and possible ruin the effect your initial approach had on her.
Basically what I'm saying is, don't act all awkward and shit, as if you feel ashamed or embarrassed for approaching her and are trying to hide the fact you approach other girls. Just go about your business as normal. If you run into a girl again who didn't call you, well that's life. It really is no big deal.
Challenge/obstacle 12: Girls who are with a guy and you're not sure whether he's her boyfriend (or husband)
Warning: proceed with caution on this one! I'm going also say that this final one I don't personally do, but I got the idea from a direct friend of mine and thought to include it here.
I'm sure you've been out and about and spotted a gorgeous girl, only the problem is she's with another guy (or maybe even more than one guy). You've probably thought to yourself 'If only she was on her own' or 'I wonder if that guy is actually her boyfriend (or husband) or if he's just her male platonic friend or brother?'. Well now there is a solution, albeit I don't personally do this because for me there are loads of girls who are NOT with guys that I can easily approach, and that is my preference. But for those of you who want to try this out, well fair enough. This will require brass balls, though!
The solution: Simply walk up to the girl and the guy and ask if 'Is this your girlfriend?'. Or if it's a more than one guy, just ask them if she's anyone's girlfriend. If the guy(s) says she is, just gracefully exit...as you do so, you can say something like 'Damn!' in a funny sort of way, which I've been told gets a laugh.
Ok so there you go. You now know how to overcome the main challenges/obstacles that will occur during daytime approaches. As you probably now realise, most of the main challenges/obstacles are nothing more than 'mental blocks' that can be overcome simply by changing your mindset and applying a simple, workable solution as and when they occur. I hope you found this blog post useful, and I'm sure you will find that these solutions will help you do a lot better with your daytime direct approaches.