So what is going on? Is humanity just that bad at romantic/sexual relationships? Or could it be that the monogamous framework we use for our relationships is what is wrong?
Monogamy: A Flawed Framework For Relationships?
Yet, the irony is that monogamy has failed spectaculary. Look all around you. How many of your friends or family have broken up with their girlfriend or boyfriend? How many have gotten divorced? How many people do you know who got cheated on, or who cheated on their partner?
If monogamy really worked, why would there be such a thing as cheating, break ups or divorce?
It is my belief that monogamy is a flawed concept, and that the reason most monogamous relationships fail is because they exist within a framework that simply doesn't work.
Firstly, I do not believe we as human beings are monogamous by nature. When you are in a monogamous relationship with someone, you do not stop being attracted to other people. Sure, you might not ACT upon that attraction, but the fact is you are still attracted to other people while in a monogamous relationship. Attraction to other people does not magically disappear just because you're in a monogamous relationship with someone. This fact alone shows that genetically we are not monogamous.
Secondly, it is my observation that most relationships have a shelf life. Romantic/sexual attraction is a very transient thing, and a relationship can only be successful for as long as this attraction and spark are there. Once it wear off, it's time to move on. Studies have actually shown that the chemicals in your brain that cause the euphoric attraction and spark at the beginning of a relationship rarely last longer than 2 years. Therefore, the idea of long term or life long monogamy is like trying to force a square peg into a roound hole; it doesn't work.
Romantic/sexual relationships are not a 'one size fits all'.
Dating and relationships should not be conducted in a 'one size fits all' approach. The fact is, monogamy isn't for everyone. Some people prefer open/non-monogamous relationship, some people enjoy their own freedom and don't want to live together with their partner. Some people prefer short term casual sex. Some people like to date or sleep with multiple partners, while others prefer to stick to one. Some people want a full time, life long companion, while others don't.
One type of relationship is not better or worse than another. All types of romantic/sexual relationships are equally valid.
Until society in general wakes up to these facts, monogamy will continue to fail. How many times do human beings have to keep repeating the same mistakes before they realise that what we're doing isn't working? A shift in thinking and an update to our mindset towards dating and relationships is required.
How open relationships and being honest with oneself & others can solve these problems.
A lot of people falsely belive that an open relationship is somehow less honest, less serious or less intimate than a monogamous one. But, actually, open relationships by very definition are MORE honest and MORE intimate because of the total openness involved.
The other advantage of open relationships is that there is no such thing as cheating in an open relationship, since you never agreed to be exclusive with each other in the first place. Cheating is only cheating if you agreed to be monogamous, but then slept with someone else behind your partner's back.
You can have everything in an open relationship that you can in a monogamous relationship.
If you are someone who wants to date or sleep with multiple partners, don't get into a monogamous relationship in the first place. Be upfront and honest with your partner that you don't want anything monogamous. If you are honest from the start, it avoids problems later on and you will be respected for your honesty.
Examining what you TRULY want: is monogamy really for you, or was it what you were led to believe was 'the only way' to have relationships?
The sooner people start communicating more openly and honestly, and the sooner people don't feel forced into monogamy they don't actually want, the sooner we can all start having more enjoyable and honest romantic/sexual relationships. How difficult can it be?