It's almost as if after a break up, a switch flicks in peoples' minds where they are suddenly filled with total negativity towards their ex partner. Even the term 'ex' is such a derogitory term, in my opinion.
Surely there has to be a better, more mature way of breaking up with someone, without hating each other's guts, where you are still able to speak to and respect each other afterwards? Well yes actually, there is! And I will explain how in this blog post.
The first thing to consider is that breaking up is completely normal, it happens to everyone and it doesn't nedessarily mean you did anything wrong or that there's anything wrong with you!
The first mistake most people make is that they go into a relationship blindly believing it will last forever. They are so filled up with feelings of infatuation towards their new lover, that they cannot think logically or rationally, and so they think their relationship will definitely last forever and never run into any problems. And then later on down the line when problems do occur, it comes as a total shock and one or both partners end up bitter or heartbroken.
I think it's better to go into a relationship with a more realistic attitude: you would love it if the relationship lasts the long term, but equally you are realistic enough to aknowledge the fact that it might not.
The other thing to consider is why people break up. From my experience and my observation, these are the main reasons why people break up:
1. One or both partners fall out of love or lust with the other person. Romantic and sexual attraction is a very fickle thing, and can and does change over time. You could be massively attracted to someone, but 6 months/1 year/2 years later feel totally no romantic or sexual attraction towards them at all. If this happens, it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you or your partner, but perhaps just means you weren't right for each other and the relationship has run its course.
2. One or both people in the relationship cheat. This only applies in a monogsmous relationship, of course. If you're in a non-monogamous/open relationship, then there is no such thing as cheating because you have agreed that you will not be sexually exclusive with each other, but if you agree to a monogamous relationship then you should honour that agreement and be sexually exclusive with each other. If you want to date or have sex with multiple partners, don't get into a monogamous relationship in the first place, just be honest and say you want to keep the relationship open instead.All cheating shows is a lack of honesty and trust between you and your partner, and if those things are not there then is it any wonder that cheating leads to bitter break ups?
3. Your paths in life go in different directions or you want different things from the relationship in the long term. Maybe one person in the relationship wants to pursue a new career, go travelling, or whatever. Or maybe one person wants kids or wants to get married, while the other does not.
4. A lack of honesty, trust or respect. Now if you are not getting these things from your partner, you have to speak up about it, and if the lack of honesty, trust and respect continues too long then it's time to end the relationship and find yourself a more suitable romantic/sexual partner.
I set my relationships up a bit differently than most people. When I get involved with a girl, I will tell her that if she ever meets another guy who better suits her needs, or if she decides she no longer wants to be with me or if she thinks she'll be happier without me, I will not hold her back and I will not be angry or bitter towards her in any way. All she has to do is tell me; she doesn't need to feel bad, and she doesn't need to sneak behind my back or anything. And I will still speak to her if we run into each other afterwards, I will wish her well in her future relationships, and I will have a nice memory of the time we had together.
Isn't this a much more mature and less stressful way of going about things? Will I feel any sadness if the relationship ends? Yes, of course, I mean I wouldn't be human if I didn't, but I will not be 'totally heartbroken', I will not hate my ex partner, and life will go on perfectly fine.